sunday scaries but make it end of summer holiday scaries
i have had three consecutive nightmares about work and its driving me a little bit crazy. i begin teaching in september and while i’m so excited to start something new and to feel like i’m finally doing something with my life that has meaning, i am absolutely terrified of messing up.
i have worked at the school for almost two years now: i know my children, i know the people i work with, know my friends. i’m doing what i should be doing - they offered this role to me months before it became available to everybody else - but i’m worried i won’t be enough, i won’t be what they need, i won’t be it.
obviously, i’m forever ridden with imposter syndrome - it flows through me every single day - i’m self aware enough to know that maybe this is all woe is me and i’m being dramatic for drama’s sake but i can’t shake it. i often tell people my favourite piece of advice is ‘fake it til you make it’ but god isn’t it horrid when you can’t take your own advice?
nightmare number one was that my mentor and phase lead was nowhere to be seen prior to my first meeting/presentation to the parents and she was supposed to help me set up all the slides and information for it. i looked everywhere for her and nobody knew where she was, and i had to improvise everything - it was so embarrassing and stressful.
nightmare number two was that my bus terminated early so i had to find an alternative route in order to get to work on time. an old friend pulled up and told me she can take me an alternative route but instead, took me to a scare maze place full of jumpscares and bugs and gore, and i obviously ended up being so incredibly late to work.
nightmare number three was that due to me being late and apparently missing days of work, my kids had been told to ignore every single instruction i gave them and to act as if i’m nobody. i was lining them up in the playground and they just completely ignored my entire existence. it was like i wasn’t even there. then, to make things 10x worse, a child from my last class decided to strangle me???
honestly, my brain confuses me so much sometimes and i never know how to let go of icky feelings so that they don’t manifest into my dreams. if anyone has started teacher training and has any tips on not feeling completely useless even before beginning the year, please let me know lol